If the Cullens Found FF
by IOnlyDateEmpaths
Summary: One day, Bella recieves an Email from someone she doesn t know, with a link to IOnlyDateEmpaths FF account. The Cullens read some fanfiction!
1. Chapter 1

Author`s note: I don`t own Twilight, the characters, or the AMAZING fanfics mentioned. I have permission from the authors to use them. They are, however, on my favourites list as mentioned. Alternate universe where the Cullens know about the books. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sat on Edward`s bed as he lay beside me, and flipped open his laptop.

"As much as I would _love_ to continue kissing you," I said, "I think I should do some of my essay. Thanks for letting me borrow your laptop, by the way."

"No problem love, what`s mine is yours." He smiled crookedly and I smiled back, opening the word document.

I worked on it for about an hour, and then decided to have a break. I opened internet explorer, then checked my E-mail. There was nothing from Renee, but one with no subject from an account I didn`t recognise – Girlygirl70. I opened it. It said:

Go to this page, Bella.

CAH

And it had a link underneath it. I tried to think if I knew anybody with those initials, but I didn`t.

"Edward," I said warily. "Do you know anyone with the initials CAH?"

"No," he replied, brow furrowed, "Why?" I motioned him over with my hand, and he studied the link.

"Was it Emmett, or something?"

"No, he`s not blocking his mind and I can`t see anything incriminating."

"Should we go on it?"

"We might as well, I mean seriously, what could _possibly_ happen?"

I nodded and clicked the link.


	2. Chapter 2

The page came up quickly. IOnlyDateEmpaths was written at the top, with a black square icon underneath it. It had some text on it:

How would you rather die? Chocolate overdose or drained by Jasper?

_What the hell? _I thought. I read the person`s profile and found the same E-mail address.

"What the hell." I muttered.

"Agreed."

"I really don`t get this. What the hell is it?"

I heard the door hit the wall, and Alice raced in. "It`s called fanfiction!"

"Oh," I said, as realization dawned on me.

"What the hell is fanfiction?" Edward raised an eyebrow.

"It`s where people who like a book, or film or something write their own stories with ideas they have. I used to like it."

"What did you read, Bella?" Edward understood now, then.

"Harry Potter." I blushed.

"Wait, so this fanfiction is stories about _us_?"

"Yup." I said, popping the 'p'.

"Well, let`s read some!" Alice cried.


	3. Chapter 3

Before I could find anything, Emmett and Rose came in.

"We heard that something interesting was going on!" Emmett said, acting like a hyper schoolgirl.

"Emmett, calm down, it`s like you`re on a sugar rush!" came a voice, and then Jasper came in.

"Jesus Christ, do you all have to be here?"

"It involves them too, Bella." Alice reminded me.

"Fair enough. I pick the first one!" I said. I decided to read some of the person`s own stories.

"Hmmm." I muttered, and tried to decide. "Hah! This one looks funny!"

"What is it?!" Alice asked eagerly. "Tell me! Who`s it about?!"

"It`s about Jasper, and it`s called: If Jasper was real he would..."

"Oh God," Jasper groaned, slamming his palm into his forehead. I ignored it and clicked the story.

"Okay, there`s an author`s note. It says: me and my friends Lara and Jess (not on FF) wrote this in our lunch break at school. It`s awesome!" I giggled, and cleared my throat. "Oh, I wish, I wish that Jasper was my bitch. Wait! He is! YAY! *Drags terrified Jasper to bedroom*." We were all laughing hysterically now.

"If Jasper was real he would..." I began to read the list out, laughing occasionally. By the end we were all rolling around with laughter.

"So Alice," I choked, "is number one true?"

"Hell yes!" And we were rolling around laughing again. I heard a knock at the door, and Rose, who was closest, opened it.

"What`s so funny?" Carlisle and Esme asked. I could still not control my vocal cords, and I just kept gasping for breath.

"It`s not that funny!" Jasper said, and I was sure if he could blush he would.

"Yes," Emmett gasped, "it really is!"

"It really, really is!" I added. I glimpsed Carlisle giving Edward a questioning look.

"Trust me," he grimaced, "You don`t want to know." Carlisle nodded. I had still not managed to breathe properly.

"Jasper... A little... Help..." I gasped, and suddenly stopped. "Thanks." Jasper smiled.

"Bella, what`s going on?"

"The usual - a little girl who thinks we are fictional characters has written and published a story about Jasper`s sexual prowess." Thanks to him, I was keeping a straight face. Esme and Carlisle looked shocked. Alice proceeded to explain the situation to them, at vampire speed.

"Since this one was about me," Jasper said, "I get to pick the next one." He pulled the laptop from my hands. I smiled evilly, rubbing my hands together. This day was going to be F-U-N.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author`s Note: Special thanks to TheDawnIsBreaking for letting me use her ridiculously awesome fanfic The Crappy Twilight Clichés Show!**

"Hmm, let`s see," Jasper muttered, "This looks _very_ interesting. The Crappy Twilight Clichés Show, by TheDawnIsBreaking."

"What?" several of us said in sync.

"I can honestly say I have no idea." He opened the file and read out the first chapter.

"Number One – Over Protective Edward." I giggled and Edward face palmed.

"I`m not that bad!" he cried, when Jasper had finished reading.

"Number Two – Hyper Shopping Addict Alice." Alice growled as Jasper read.

"That`s insulting."

"Insultingly right." Emmett said through his laughter.

"Number Three – Klutzy Blushing Bella."

"NO!" I cried, curling up in a ball. This chapter earned a lot of laughs. Little did he know...

"Number Four – Emo Jasper. OH, SHIT!"

"Language!" Esme cried, and I started laughing. This was my favourite so far.

"That is so much like you that it`s scary." I giggled.

"Do you _want_ me to take up wrist slitting, or biting, or whatever?!"

"To be perfectly honest, yes." More laughter, from Emmett especially.

"Number Five – First Grader Emmett." that wiped the smug smile off his face.

"Rose, am I stupid?" he asked his wife.

"Yes. Yes you are." I thought I might piss myself laughing.

"Number Six – Bitchy Self Centred Rosalie." Rose growled.

"No one talks about my wife that way!" I guessed Emmett only said that because he knew he wouldn`t get any tonight otherwise.

"I`ll skip the ones that aren`t about us. Number Thirteen – Buddha Calm Carlisle." I fell off the bed when he started twitching, as did Edward.

"Number Eighteen – Mother Hen Esme." I curled up in a ball on the floor as I was wracked with laughter. "Okay, that`s all of the ones about us."

"Do you think we could annoy Carlisle?" I whispered into Edward`s ear.

"Hell yes."

"Carlisle," I called. He looked up.

"Yes Bella?"

"I know a song that gets on everybody`s nerves, everybody`s nerves, everybody`s nerves, I know a song that gets on everybody`s nerves and this is how it goes!" everyone in the room except Carlisle joined in. We sang until we could see him visibly shaking, and then collapsed into a fit of giggles.

"Everyone`s against me," he said, "and for that reason, I pick next."


End file.
